A Glossary of Keys Real Estate Terms

• Basement: Basements, or swimming pools, as we call them here in the Keys, are sometimes built under homes, but are usually placed to one side of the structure. In contrast to the storage of unwanted family items so common "up north," they are primarily used here as fresh water storage facilities.
  
  
• Bayfront: Property which lies on the shoreline of Florida Bay. (Not to be confused with "Bayside")
  
  
• Bayside: Denotes property which lies on the Florida Bay side of the Overseas Highway, as opposed to the other side of the highway, which is closer to the ocean. Since the difference between "bayside" and "oceanside" can be a matter of fifty feet or so, the term has minimal significance except in determining whether you'll make a right or left turn off the highway when going to the drug store. Except, of course, if you happen to be traveling by boat, in which case you need to find out where the nearest channel is to get your craft from one side of the island to the other. (See Keys Math #1)
  
  
• Bayview: (See Oceanview/Bayview)
  
  
• Boat Ramp: These ingenious architectural features are generally located on private lots, in homeowner's parks, and at public boat launch facilities. In theory, you can back your boat and trailer down a ramp, launch your boat, and drive away. In reality, aside from providing a convenient storage place for unpowered boat hulls and palm fronds, they are often neighborhood meeting places where helpful beer-drinking buddies with pick-up trucks and chains pull family sedans up slimy concrete inclines amidst much laughter and swearing. (See hull drain plugs)
  
  
• Boat Slip: A multi-use term most often used as a verb and heard at boat ramps, as in the island expression, "De boat she slip, Mon" or in past tense after the fact as a rumrunner toast. When used as a noun, it refers to a cut-out section of seawall where a recessed area is created for in-the-water boat storage, where marine plants and organisms thrive while attaching themselves to fiberglass or wood. In most cases, you will actually pay extra for this marine habitat when purchasing a home.
  
  
• Bubba System: As opposed to monarchies or democracies, the Bubba system of government apparently evolved from the primates who sit around scratching each other's backs. An intricate form of public service, this goal-oriented approach to representation provides a streamlined method for eliminating costly due process procedures and delays common to the legal system. A fun kind of government.
  
  
• Canal: A man-made waterway. May be either oceanside or bayside, depending on which side of the highway it's on. In most Keys neighborhoods, it's the reason you can't get there from here. Usually contains a variety of natural wildlife, including snapper, grouper, mullet, tarpon, lobster, crab, grunt, manatees, boats, and kids.
  
  
• CBS: Concrete block and stucco construction. Widely used type of construction in the Keys, generally deemed more impervious to termites and hurricanes. (See Hurricanes)
  
  
• Chickie Hut: (See Tiki Hut)
  
  
• Cockroach: A term which is never used in polite conversation, but may be the reason for all those ads you see for Extermination Services. (See Palmetto Bug)
  
  
• Conch House: These historic, largely 19th century wood homes were built by early Keys residents as basic dwellings. Elevated above ground to provide habitats for all manner of creepy crawlies and native animals, and contructed from beautiful Dade County pine or mahogany, those that haven't fallen down provide endless ongoing renovation projects for contractors and construction retirement funds.
  
  
• Controlling Depth: The man-made dredged and quarried canals in the Keys vary widely in width and depth are are slightly altered by tidal flows. Bayside or oceanside entrances to the canals, at the area of minimum water depth, is referred to as the "controlling depth" of the waterway. In everyday terms, this will usually be 2 or 3 inches less than the combined total of the hull depth of your boat, plus any protruding props, shafts, struts, or keels at the time you are there.
  
  
• Downstairs Enclosure: Originally, the term was used to describe an enclosed storage area beneath a stilt house. In typical Keys fashion, this definition was expanded to include storage of such objects as tenants, guests, and mothers-in-law. May be "legal" or "illegal." We'll all find out as soon as various government agencies make a decision, maybe sometime in 1999.
  
  
• "Dry" Lot: This term is used to describe a piece of property bereft of any riparian appurtenances. In lay terms, this means it's not on the water. This in no way implies that if you dig a hole in your front yard it won't fill up with seawater.
  
  
• Ground Level: A term used to describe a "normal" house, or one that actually rests on the ground instead of being built on stilts. (See Stilt House) Ground level construction is nowadays confined to areas of "higher elevation," which in the Keys means about 8 feet.
  
  
• Homeowner's Park: This phrase encompasses a variety of definitions, from "community boat ramp" to "swimming pool, sandy beach, picnic area, and marina." Generally a nifty idea that gives owners of "dry" houses the same benefits as people who paid a whole lot more for their homes. Which is a good thing, as long as they don't mind sharing these benefits (and the associated costs) with their neighbors.
  
  
• Hull Drain Plugs: At boat launching ramps, these items are usually in short supply, and at any distance greater than 20 feet from shore sell for almost any price. (See Boat Ramp)
  
  
• Hurricane: Every year they warn us one might be coming, so the wise homeowner stockpiles flashlight batteries and fills gallon milk jugs with fresh water. However, most hurricanes stubbornly refuse to visit the Keys, preferring instead to travel to Cuba or Nova Scotia. (See Hurricane Party)
  
  
• Hurricane Party: Usually the winning choice in any discussion of "Do you think we should load up the pick-up and head for the hurricane shelter in Miami, or do you want to come over to my place for a party?"
  
  
• Keys Formal: A style of dress, usually reserved for fancy events, denoting the wearing of shirts and sports coats, with socks optional.
  
  
• Keys Math #1: (See , Oceanside | Bayside) This problem includes elements of algebra, finance, and physics, and may be stated as, "If I put $100 of gas in my boat at the marina (bayside), make for the nearest cut or channel, and head for the ocean, how much of it will I waste getting there and how long can I fish before I have to head back to an oceanside marina that's closed for the night?"
  
  
• Keysy: This ubiquitous term of uncertain origin denotes a certain mystical quality usually associated with conch shells, pastel colors, fishing net motifs, and tiki huts.
  
  
• Mile Marker: These ingenious little green metal signs are consecutively numbered with white relective numbers starting at the southernmost tip of Key West (Mile Marker 0) and proceeding in sequence by mile intervals northward along U.S. Highway 1 to the Florida mainland (Mile Marker 126, or so). The mile marker system relies on some basic assumptions: namely, that you know you are driving in a northerly or southerly direction, that you can grasp a numeric progression and are able to retain this information while talking on your cell phone, and that you can spot the signs through the tall grass, between the trees, and through the numerous coral boulders behind which they are placed. A holdover from the old railroad days, the mile marker system is generally the only clue you'll get as to where a particular building or subdivision is located.
  
  
• Ocean Breezes: This divisive issue will forever arise in conversations between oceanside and bayside homeowners, oceansiders maintaining that Ocean Breezes allow no mosquitoes to cross the median line of U.S. 1. In truth, most of these pesky insects are simply slaughtered by passing motorists as they attempt to flee from the mosquito control airplanes to the relative safety of the oceanside mangroves. Oceansiders can generally be recognized by the presence of small red welts on their extremities and the absence of screens on their oceanside decks.
  
  
• Oceanfront: Property which actually lies at the ocean shore. (Not to be confused with "Oceanside")
  
  
• Oceanside: Denotes property which lies on the ocean side of the Overseas Highway, as opposed to the other side of the highway, which is closer to Florida Bay. Oceanside property owners are prone to extolling the virtues of sunrises, although, since the Keys are mostly flat, if you live in a two-story house you can probably enjoy both the sunrise and sunset if your windows happen to face that way. (See Ocean Breezes)
  
  
• Oceanview/Bayview: Since so closely related, these terms can be treated as one. Either implies that although you are at a location somewhere away from the actual waterfront, if you lean over and squint real hard you can see some kind of water through the trees and will therefore pay a premium price for this property.
  
  
• Overseas Highway: (Also known as U.S. 1.) The main highway that links the Keys, it runs from mainland Florida approximately 126 miles to Key West. The inattentive tourist who never leaves the highway during his travels down the Keys will probably never guess that a whole world of homes and canals and waterfront properties exists behind the tourist shops and shopping centers. (See Mile Markers)
  
  
• Palmetto Bug: A Florida euphemism, meaning a larger, slower version of the cockroach. These critters are generally considered harmless and are mostly ignored by Keys residents, except in conversations dealing with "tropical wildlife."
  
  
• Pearock: Small white rocks, usually made of bits of long-dead coral. Used to cover lawns so you don't have to mow any grass.
  
  
• Permitted: This generally refers to the process of obtaining a legal building permit for new construction or renovation of existing homes. Historically, in the Keys this is the step that was largely omitted in the orderly progression from buying a lot to building a home or fixing up what you already owned to accomodate family members, guests or tenants in the area below the living space of stilt homes wastefully taken up by air and concrete columns. Much confusion was created by the word itself. "Permitted" was generally accepted to mean "allowed to do so" in a legal sense. The introduction of building codes further confused the permitting process, since buildings were suddenly "permitable" or "not permitable," and illegal structures sometimes became permitable after the work had already been completed. Fortunately, there will be fewer and fewer of these permitted or permitable permits to worry about in the near future. However, as they become scarcer, they also become more expensive. (Note: If this definition is confusing to you, think of how we feel.) (Also see "Bubba System")
  
  
• Plugged Canal: A man-made waterway which was determined, after the fact, to be illegally dredged. The canal remains, but the entrance is blocked, thereby making the canal "legal" once again.
  
  
• Stilt House: Common architectural phenomenon wherein an ordinary house is constructed on top of concrete pillars or "stilts". It is intended to put houses above the flood level, in case we ever have another hurricane. (See Hurricane)
  
  
• Tiki Hut: An open-sided pole structure with a thatched palm frond roof, usually found near or overlooking the water. In addition to providing a fine place to view the sunset, a tiki hut looks great in photographs. (See "Keysy")
  
  
• Waterfront: This term denotes property which borders a body of water, and encompasses oceanfront, bayfront, and canalfront properties.